If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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