If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
