I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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