it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
