and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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