You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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