I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
