And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
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He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
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I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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