bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
