That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
