The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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