K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
