i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
