They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
