why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
