He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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