Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
