There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We are two peas in an std pod
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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