he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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