btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
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Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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