i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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