So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
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Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
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He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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