the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
