She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
