I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You pole danced in your parka.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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