I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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