Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
