I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
did you just send me my own nude
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
