We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize