I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
