if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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