the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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