just come out here and I will go home with you...
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize