i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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