The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
