It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
