The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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