Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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