Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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