does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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