It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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