I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
