he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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