never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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