I wish I only lived at night.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
