I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
