i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
