My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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