i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
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She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
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My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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