u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
