I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
