I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
