There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
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Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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