I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
