i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
