I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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