did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
