Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
