Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
